jesus fuck (tree don't look yet)

[brideoffrankenstein]

I have a phd chapter deadline tomorrow. I have had a hell summer, between organising two events and having jury service, and it triggered a really bad mental health spell that I'm still not quite out of. But it does mean I've had a shitty, shitty time and haven't done a good job with this chapter at all. It means I'll be sending it to my supervisor still really raw, and I am just barely coping with this concept.

I have been keeping this secret from my parents. I knew I'd get a cheery 'you're fine!' and be done. I confessed it to my dad last night, vaguely, and got vague sympathetic noises. I confessed it to my mum just now and got 'of course she won't be mad at you!' and then when I carried on talking I just got a 'well' and then nothing at all.

I keep feeling guilty for not discussing my phd much, like I'm drawing away from them, and I felt that the same about finishing while sumer ilast because I didn't want to jinx it by discussing it too much. But then this happens and I just

I'm having a breakdown two inches from you. Please.

Comments

[shadaras]

<3

It is completely reasonable to not discuss your phd with your parents if their reactions just make you feel worse than you otherwise would.

It sounds like you've had a lot on your plate, and I'm really happy that even in the midst of everything you still completed the chapter. It might not be as polished as you wished, but you still did it in the midst of everything. I know that's not what your mind wants you to focus on, and I totally get not wanting to show people things that aren't polished and as good as you could make them, but you still have something complete. And that's the minimum, even if the minimum is rarely personally satisfying.

I hope that writing this out and venting is helping. I hope you have other support you can ask for. I hope you have time and space and ability to do something you enjoy and have even a moment of happiness in the midst of this spiral.

<3

[brideoffrankenstein]

Thank you so much for this. It meant a lot to me, I teared up a bit <3 I'll try and reply properly later.

[shadaras]

<333

(this reply is plenty proper for me, btw; if you have more you want to say, that's fine, but even if you leave your response at this that's enough for me)

[flowersforgraves]

You shouldn't have to feel obligated to share your PhD work with your parents, bud. I'm sorry it feels that way.

From what you've said in the past, it sounds like you don't have a good home life. And it's okay to withdraw from that, it's okay to not share everything with your parents. Especially if you know they won't listen to the substance of what you're saying (rather than the surface words) or deliberately misinterpret what you're getting at.

Honestly getting that chapter done at all, working through jury duty and organizing events and a bad mental health spiral, that's a significant accomplishment. It fucking sucks that mental health isn't considered a "good excuse" for needing extra time, but Bowman, you got through it. The fact that you're turning the thing in is good, and that means you did good. You do goo. I really hope your advisor is understanding, and if not, then I am here to support you -- along with Tree and Shad and others -- through whatever happens next. <#