jesus fuck (tree don't look yet)
Sep. 19th, 2019 09:04 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brideoffrankensteinI have a phd chapter deadline tomorrow. I have had a hell summer, between organising two events and having jury service, and it triggered a really bad mental health spell that I'm still not quite out of. But it does mean I've had a shitty, shitty time and haven't done a good job with this chapter at all. It means I'll be sending it to my supervisor still really raw, and I am just barely coping with this concept.
I have been keeping this secret from my parents. I knew I'd get a cheery 'you're fine!' and be done. I confessed it to my dad last night, vaguely, and got vague sympathetic noises. I confessed it to my mum just now and got 'of course she won't be mad at you!' and then when I carried on talking I just got a 'well' and then nothing at all.
I keep feeling guilty for not discussing my phd much, like I'm drawing away from them, and I felt that the same about finishing while sumer ilast because I didn't want to jinx it by discussing it too much. But then this happens and I just
I'm having a breakdown two inches from you. Please.
I have been keeping this secret from my parents. I knew I'd get a cheery 'you're fine!' and be done. I confessed it to my dad last night, vaguely, and got vague sympathetic noises. I confessed it to my mum just now and got 'of course she won't be mad at you!' and then when I carried on talking I just got a 'well' and then nothing at all.
I keep feeling guilty for not discussing my phd much, like I'm drawing away from them, and I felt that the same about finishing while sumer ilast because I didn't want to jinx it by discussing it too much. But then this happens and I just
I'm having a breakdown two inches from you. Please.
no subject
Date: 2019-09-19 04:56 pm (UTC)From what you've said in the past, it sounds like you don't have a good home life. And it's okay to withdraw from that, it's okay to not share everything with your parents. Especially if you know they won't listen to the substance of what you're saying (rather than the surface words) or deliberately misinterpret what you're getting at.
Honestly getting that chapter done at all, working through jury duty and organizing events and a bad mental health spiral, that's a significant accomplishment. It fucking sucks that mental health isn't considered a "good excuse" for needing extra time, but Bowman, you got through it. The fact that you're turning the thing in is good, and that means you did good. You do goo. I really hope your advisor is understanding, and if not, then I am here to support you -- along with Tree and Shad and others -- through whatever happens next. <#