jesus fuck (tree don't look yet)

I have a phd chapter deadline tomorrow. I have had a hell summer, between organising two events and having jury service, and it triggered a really bad mental health spell that I'm still not quite out of. But it does mean I've had a shitty, shitty time and haven't done a good job with this chapter at all. It means I'll be sending it to my supervisor still really raw, and I am just barely coping with this concept.

I have been keeping this secret from my parents. I knew I'd get a cheery 'you're fine!' and be done. I confessed it to my dad last night, vaguely, and got vague sympathetic noises. I confessed it to my mum just now and got 'of course she won't be mad at you!' and then when I carried on talking I just got a 'well' and then nothing at all.

I keep feeling guilty for not discussing my phd much, like I'm drawing away from them, and I felt that the same about finishing while sumer ilast because I didn't want to jinx it by discussing it too much. But then this happens and I just

I'm having a breakdown two inches from you. Please.