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Aug. 15th, 2020 07:40 amI don't have anywhere to go with this but like every time I come on here to answer comments I wanna talk about Something. They're usually sad I know but I'll try to sandwich a quilt update in here too.
> I'm sick of having to run around in the closet. I can't come out (yet) because as much as my parents are fine with trans stuff, they're not wholly....they're learning but it's not always easy. My mum literally asked if Keats had become less caring and nurturing on T which doesn't make me excited to come out. I think it would be safest to come out while I'm at Keats' because then they (parents) can process it on their own time.
> Had a discussion with Keats earlier this week. Doing a lot of thinking about my parents and the emotional abuse and how traumatic homeschool was for me in that context. Made me realise I definitely wanna get my doctorate in Keats' name. They (parents) tend to focus on how my academic performance reflects on them, despite the fact that I barely scraped into university because of how much strain I was under. I came to the realisation that I actually feel supported and safety-netted academically at university which I never felt in homeschool. Anyway the point is, they're always going on about how smart I am and how I'm a credit to them and I know it's supposed to make me feel good but it feels like they're trying to possess the things I work at. So I don't really want to be Dr [their name]. It feels more mine if it's Keats'.
> On that theme like, Keats said, don't name yourself what they were going to name you. I was going to cave and have my new first name be one they'd picked when they thought I was going to be AMAB (my mum was Convinced I was going to be a boy - well look how that turned out!) and my middle name be Bowman but now I'm going to be Bowman something else, maybe a version of my actual middle name or something else. I feel like I need to set up one of those "guess the name of this bear" charity games for this.
( Nsfw )> Quilt update! The Lancashire quilt (the one with the crosses that's actually made of fabrics inspired by a place in Yorkshire but my book is set in the Forest of Bowland so we ignore that) is in progress of being sewn together. I'm going to make and sew on blocks as I go. The star quilt is going to actually get laid out to decide lay out, so I have a few more blocks to make up for that. A few, he says, knowing he's only made up six of twelve. And then I'll sew the other stars on and attach the blocks together. Keats also bought me some fabrics, and I've decided I'm going to make a hexagons quilt with that because all the fabrics go despite not being the same range (Keats is amazing...)
> I'm sick of having to run around in the closet. I can't come out (yet) because as much as my parents are fine with trans stuff, they're not wholly....they're learning but it's not always easy. My mum literally asked if Keats had become less caring and nurturing on T which doesn't make me excited to come out. I think it would be safest to come out while I'm at Keats' because then they (parents) can process it on their own time.
> Had a discussion with Keats earlier this week. Doing a lot of thinking about my parents and the emotional abuse and how traumatic homeschool was for me in that context. Made me realise I definitely wanna get my doctorate in Keats' name. They (parents) tend to focus on how my academic performance reflects on them, despite the fact that I barely scraped into university because of how much strain I was under. I came to the realisation that I actually feel supported and safety-netted academically at university which I never felt in homeschool. Anyway the point is, they're always going on about how smart I am and how I'm a credit to them and I know it's supposed to make me feel good but it feels like they're trying to possess the things I work at. So I don't really want to be Dr [their name]. It feels more mine if it's Keats'.
> On that theme like, Keats said, don't name yourself what they were going to name you. I was going to cave and have my new first name be one they'd picked when they thought I was going to be AMAB (my mum was Convinced I was going to be a boy - well look how that turned out!) and my middle name be Bowman but now I'm going to be Bowman something else, maybe a version of my actual middle name or something else. I feel like I need to set up one of those "guess the name of this bear" charity games for this.
( Nsfw )> Quilt update! The Lancashire quilt (the one with the crosses that's actually made of fabrics inspired by a place in Yorkshire but my book is set in the Forest of Bowland so we ignore that) is in progress of being sewn together. I'm going to make and sew on blocks as I go. The star quilt is going to actually get laid out to decide lay out, so I have a few more blocks to make up for that. A few, he says, knowing he's only made up six of twelve. And then I'll sew the other stars on and attach the blocks together. Keats also bought me some fabrics, and I've decided I'm going to make a hexagons quilt with that because all the fabrics go despite not being the same range (Keats is amazing...)
