jesus fuck (tree don't look yet)

[brideoffrankenstein]

I have a phd chapter deadline tomorrow. I have had a hell summer, between organising two events and having jury service, and it triggered a really bad mental health spell that I'm still not quite out of. But it does mean I've had a shitty, shitty time and haven't done a good job with this chapter at all. It means I'll be sending it to my supervisor still really raw, and I am just barely coping with this concept.

I have been keeping this secret from my parents. I knew I'd get a cheery 'you're fine!' and be done. I confessed it to my dad last night, vaguely, and got vague sympathetic noises. I confessed it to my mum just now and got 'of course she won't be mad at you!' and then when I carried on talking I just got a 'well' and then nothing at all.

I keep feeling guilty for not discussing my phd much, like I'm drawing away from them, and I felt that the same about finishing while sumer ilast because I didn't want to jinx it by discussing it too much. But then this happens and I just

I'm having a breakdown two inches from you. Please.

Comments

[shadaras]

<3

It is completely reasonable to not discuss your phd with your parents if their reactions just make you feel worse than you otherwise would.

It sounds like you've had a lot on your plate, and I'm really happy that even in the midst of everything you still completed the chapter. It might not be as polished as you wished, but you still did it in the midst of everything. I know that's not what your mind wants you to focus on, and I totally get not wanting to show people things that aren't polished and as good as you could make them, but you still have something complete. And that's the minimum, even if the minimum is rarely personally satisfying.

I hope that writing this out and venting is helping. I hope you have other support you can ask for. I hope you have time and space and ability to do something you enjoy and have even a moment of happiness in the midst of this spiral.

<3

[brideoffrankenstein]

Thank you so much for this. It meant a lot to me, I teared up a bit <3 I'll try and reply properly later.

[shadaras]

<333

(this reply is plenty proper for me, btw; if you have more you want to say, that's fine, but even if you leave your response at this that's enough for me)