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brideoffrankenstein) wrote2020-10-19 12:09 pm
brideoffrankenstein) wrote2020-10-19 12:09 pm
Entry tags:
gender chat??
I've started to sink back into good gender again. Pretty much all through lockdown/since I got back to my parents from living at Keats', I've felt really detached from euphoric things. Except for dinosaurs and being called a sweet boy. But anyway.
Then I was thinking about Christopher Chant because of Yuletide, and I started to feel more myself again. I haven't been able to wear affirming clothes especially, but I've been really feeling and living my boyness more strongly the past few days. I made a joke about my middle name last night, like "generosity is my middle name", and Keats said "no, it's Thomas", and I melted. Today I keep going on Darcy Clothing's website and thinking of shirts and suits and collar studs, and I feel so, rooted and real. Not a normal-person amount, but better than I have.
I've also been thinking more about "The John Addington Symonds Who Lives In My Head", or, the gender affirming mostly-joking concept that the inside of my head is a victorian townhouse with a parlour connecting my brain and JAS's brain. Wherein I drive him bonkers by asking questions about queer sex on the mirror in lipstick. It's silly and ridiculous but it's a concept growing out of the idea that I feel more of a Victorian man than a modern one, mixed with some semi-joking semi-not past life stuff. It's a silly concept. But it makes me feel happy, and thinking of it brings me back to myself.
Then I was thinking about Christopher Chant because of Yuletide, and I started to feel more myself again. I haven't been able to wear affirming clothes especially, but I've been really feeling and living my boyness more strongly the past few days. I made a joke about my middle name last night, like "generosity is my middle name", and Keats said "no, it's Thomas", and I melted. Today I keep going on Darcy Clothing's website and thinking of shirts and suits and collar studs, and I feel so, rooted and real. Not a normal-person amount, but better than I have.
I've also been thinking more about "The John Addington Symonds Who Lives In My Head", or, the gender affirming mostly-joking concept that the inside of my head is a victorian townhouse with a parlour connecting my brain and JAS's brain. Wherein I drive him bonkers by asking questions about queer sex on the mirror in lipstick. It's silly and ridiculous but it's a concept growing out of the idea that I feel more of a Victorian man than a modern one, mixed with some semi-joking semi-not past life stuff. It's a silly concept. But it makes me feel happy, and thinking of it brings me back to myself.