Reading this, it sounds like you have a very clear idea of what the challenge you're facing is, but you don't have a grasp on how to overcome that challenge.

I don't think I have any answers for that either, but if it's possible for you to find a therapist who can work with you, I think that would be helpful—not just for the interpersonal relationship stuff in the present, but for processing the goddamn trauma your parents put you through that seems to be the root of all this.

I think you're trying your best. I know you want to heal. It'll take effort, and help, but I believe in your ability to retrain your brain given time.

<3